The Truth Within Lies

What makes people tell lies? Why are people so afraid of telling their truth?

From a very young age we very quickly learn to tell lies, believing that the truth will only get us into trouble, whereas a lie will help to get us out of trouble. If this self taught behaviour continues unchecked, worryingly we learn to develop am ‘ease’ in telling a lie and even a ‘comfort’ in doing so.

Obviously there are varying degrees of lies. There are what we call a ‘little white’ lie, and there is what we call a ‘whopping great big’ lie. Regardless of what we name it, these are still actions we choose to take, with the hidden intention of hiding the truth and misleading other people.

Misleading other people with our lies is a wilfully deceptive act. We often believe that it is ok to deceive strangers and people we do not know very well, because we do not owe them any loyalty. We believe that lying to anyone we do not have any familiarity or alliance to is simply an acceptable fact of everyday life, and it is ultimately harmless. But are telling lies ever truly harmless?

If we took the time to pay full attention to our physical, mental and emotional responses which are activated when we tell a lie, we would realise that our mind, body and spirit, believes otherwise. The sudden increase in our heartbeat, the excessive reaction of our sweat glands, the noticeable shift in our body language, the pauses and sudden change in our speech, tone and manner, as well as our obvious inability to keep eye contact with the person we are lying to, are all proof that telling lies is extremely stressful and harmful to our mental, physical and emotional health indeed.

Choosing to lie to people we know, and who know us well enough to expect loyalty and only the truth from us, is a terrible act of treachery. Consciously deciding to hide the truth of the matter and replace it with dishonest words or actions, is not only a major betrayal of trust, but this is also a deliberate act of manipulation.

It is a ‘choice’ to tell a lie. And what we often fail to realise is just how dangerous this choice to withhold the truth can become. For many people becoming comfortable with telling lies over a prolonged period of time, can serve as a means of escape from their own reality. Their dissatisfaction with their life and their wish to be someone else, can leave them feeling the need to paint a more exciting picture of themselves to other people. This deceptiveness is sadly a mindset which is very harmful to both the person being lied to, and even more harmful to the person telling the lie.

If ever the lie was to be uncovered - as it so very often is - the person on the receiving end of the lie will feel deeply hurt, disrespected and even foolish for allowing themselves to be tricked in the first place . They may even blame themselves for not being able to detect the deception previously, regardless of the fact that they are the innocent party. This is a natural emotion to have, regardless of the fact that it is not always possible to know when you are being lied to, especially by someone we are unfamiliar with, or who is extremely skilled in such underhanded behaviour.

If the person who has chosen to lie, is not someone we are familiar with, we will of course get over the deception much quicker than if the person whom has misled us was someone we trusted. However, the person who has told the lie will have to live with the fear of their deception being revealed. Having to relive the lie and uphold the lie continuously, in order to prevent the truth from being revealed, is not only a very difficult task, but it is a very stressful and unhealthy way to live, which can ultimately inflict even more mental, emotional and physical pain than they are already dwelling in.

For these people whos lies effortlessly roll off their tongue whenever they open their mouths, or find themselves scrambling to avoid revealing what their heart, mind and spirit truly wants then to express, they must pay very urgent attention to this emotional and mental suppression, as this is a serious form of addiction. This is an addiction which will have the person trapped within their own lies, subconsciously finding themselves unable to differentiate the truth from the lies they are telling both other people and even themselves. The lines between their actual reality and their made up preferences have sadly become so blurred, and developed into such an unhealthy obsession, that they have arrived at a point where they are actually believing their own lies. This is ultimately the mindset of someone with a severe personality disorder.

While there are a number of personality disorders which can result in such frequently deceptive behaviour, the most well known and popular description for someone who behaves in this manner is a ‘Pathological’ liar. This is someone who has a very low view of themselves and is so unhappy and dissatisfied with their life, that they find their own reality and perception of themselves is far too low to accept. Their constant fake and false behaviour is an attempt to escape from the real life they are actually existing in. Unfortunately their escape from their reality inside their lies is only short lived, which is why there is a need to constantly continue the lie, add more lies, and exaggerate the lies endlessly, so that their terrible habit can be fed.

Most people would not be able to sleep soundly in their bed at night after telling even one ‘whopping big’ lie, and some people even feel guilty about any ‘little white’ lies they may have told that day. Yet a pathological liar would have arrived at a stage in their condition, where they themselves no longer believe that they are in fact living in a false reality. Every lie they tell others is backed up by their own belief that they are indeed the person they are trying steadfastly to portray, as the alternative of the truth is far too unthinkable.

For a pathological liar, being caught out in even one lie is the force behind having to tell multiple lies and cover up the lie before. As the thought of being revealed as someone who has such low self esteem, self worth and self acceptance, is the worst thing they could possibly imagine to have to experience. This fear of being outed and ultimately labelled as a fake person, is what keeps them caught in the cycle of lies, deceit and denial to own up to any deception whatsoever. This is ultimately a position of mental instability.

This is a person who has encountered many experiences in their past, which has sadly led them to believe that they as a human being is just not good enough. They have somehow become accustomed to the falsehood that their true value in life lies in the acceptance of others. They believe that showing up as their honest, authentic selves, with whatever flaws, imperfections and emotional or mental scars they may have, will be the cause of rejection by other people.

We are living in times where it is now seen to be acceptable to tell lies. Whether you are someone of influence either in the public eye, or a person in a position of power, or even someone who is simply trying to make your own way in the world, telling lies is now something that we are no longer shocked or surprised by. We are all aware that not only can telling a lie get you out of trouble, but it can even assist in your attempts to gain whatever you require. This can be anything you desire from money, to recognition, or even a relationship. Some people have even turned telling lies into an art form, which they will callously use to their advantage whenever and wherever they feel it to be necessary, to manipulate, steal, deframe, and cause mental and emotional harm to others.

How ironic it is, that we all do our best to avoid people who tell lies, yet we often choose to engage in such dishonest behaviour ourselves. We make excuses for our lies, and even claim we felt pressured into being dishonest in an attempt to prevent another person or even ourselves, from experiencing upset or embarrassment. It is no wonder our children are becoming so natural at lying. They see adults lying and being dishonest around them every day. Our children seem to believe that telling lies is simply a means to an end. A way of getting themselves our of a tricky situation, swiftly, without having to explain themselves honestly, openly and wholeheartedly.

As long as our children initially understand that lying is wrong, then there is still some hope that they will learn that honesty is always the best policy, no matter the repercussions. The alternative is too dreadful to imagine. Having to live in a world, where everyone is looking at each other with a side eye of mistrust, scepticism, pessimism, and doubt in order to avoid be used, manipulated and emotionally abused is unthinkable.

Why do people tell lies? Because they misguidedly believe that it is easier than telling the truth. Yet when we choose to stand in our truth and live our life is such a transparent way, our life is completely transformed. Not only are we living our life from a pure heart space, but our mind and spirit become lighter as any guilt, dissatisfaction, or unfulfillment we once felt within ourselves is ultimately released.

If we could challenge ourselves to only tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth for twenty four hours, the results would be amazing. The feeling you get when you know that you have told your truth, without embellishment or any hidden agenda, is such an uplifting experience. Not only are we filled with a sense of total emotional pleasure, but the feeling of inner freedom and peace is exquisite.

Any attempts at dishonesty, trickery, or illusion that other people may try to fool us with, will not even bother us. Whether anyone else is being honest or not, will simply become irrelevant and will cease to be of any concern to us whatsoever, because their lies will not be able to disturb or affect our own clarity of what we know to be our own truth. This is the truth of who we are, and our own value as an upstanding person of integrity, decency and honesty.

The truth totally sets us free from any damaging effects of the lies that others may wish to tell us. Much more importantly, the truth sets us free from the lies we once chose to tell ourselves, about ourselves.

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